002 ♟ Language Function : Beauty Wars

The picture above has nothing to do with the contents of the post. Just for display purpose.

Some sentences, when uttered to a listener in different tones, there might exist a variety of interpretation, whether the speaker is suggesting, greeting, scolding, and so on. This is known as language functions, where a specific tone or sentence structure has its use to express a specific expression or message to the listener.

For example, "Please take off your shoes." and "Take off those shoes!" The second sentence seems harsh, and it is usually used to warn, while the first one has a lower tone, where instead, it serves to instruct. Language functions can be also found in the simplest ever sentence such as "What is the time now?", where it functions when asking people.

Regarding the title, our role-play is about a situation in a café, where the customers, and later followed by the employees of the café argue among each other on whose mother is the best beauty pageant. Several language functions can be found in the conversation, marked with bold texts.

Two young men are having their conversation in XXX Café. Both of them are talking about Miss Universe 2011 pageant. They are arguing about the winner of the pageant.

Shah : (Approaching the café) Hey Kel, it has been a while. How are you?

Kel : Wow! Look who is here? Glad you are still alive…

Kay : Any drinks, gentlemen? [To ask]

Kel : I would like a mango juice.

Shah : Hurm… there are too many choices. I do not know which one to choose.

Kel : Want me to choose for you?

Shah : Sure.

Kel : Just give him a sky juice. [To suggest]

Kay : One mango juice and one sky juice, table 2567!

Tiong : One mango juice and one sky juice, coming right up!

Shah : So have you watched Miss Universe 2011?

Kel : Oh yes! I think Miss Malaysia, Deborah Henry should get the title for Miss Universe 2011. Her body is perfect! You know what Shah? Through my 22 years existence in this world, the judges were major major super major major biased. [To give opinion]

Shah : Are you kidding me? Miss Angola, Leila Lopes deserved her title. Just look at the curves. (whistle~) The elegance, the bikini, the size, the…

Kel : Yeah! Yeah! Whatever. As long as my mother is more beautiful than your mother. It is all that matters.

Shah : Duh…are you insane? If your mother is more beautiful, then why my father married my mother and not yours? [To argue]

Kay : Stop it… Here you are, sir. For your information, my parents are more attractive than your parents!

Tiong : No, no, no… My parents are more attractive, okay? So do not get jealous.

Kel : Hey, what are with you two? Do not interfere our conversation!

Shah : Yeah, it’s just between me and him. (Points to Kel)

Tiong : You want to know something? My mother is the Mrs Sibu for three years in a row!

Kel : Humph! Perhaps your mother wins because she was the only contestant for those three years! [To tease]

Tiong : How dare you! She joins it fair and square!

Kel : It’s so lame to promote your mother as the beauty pageant for just a small area. My mother is the second runner-up for last year’s Mrs Sarawak! I repeat, Mrs Sarawak!

Shah : Oh please. My mother was a candidate for the Mrs Earth last year!

Kay : Guys, just stop it, you guys!

Tiong : Humph! My mother will join Mrs Universe this year! Don’t get jealous!

Kay : I said stop!

Shah : My mom too!

Kay : Please stop, all of you.

Kel : My mother does come from a small town, but she will join the brawl too!

Kay : Can you guys please stop quarrelling?! You’re disturbing the customers here! [To stop an argument]

Shah : Oh, OK.

Kay : Even if any of our mothers being attractive upon another, we should be happy because we still have our mothers on our side! Shouldn’t we be major major proud for them who gave birth to us to this world? You know what? I’m glad that I’m here!

Kel : Hey, you sound familiar.

Kay : Did I?

Tiong : Yes, the Filipino “Engrish” beauty pageant.

Shah : Major major! Oh please, improve your English! [To advise]

Kay : Okay okay, that’s enough. Enjoy your drinks, guys. Don’t start another debate on it.

Tiong : Aaa… Excuse me? Waiter, I don’t have the drinks. How should I enjoy it?

Kay : GO BACK TO WORK, YOU FOOL! I’m only talking to the customers!

(Tiong runs back to workstation, and the café is as peaceful as before)

Several humour can be seen during the dialogue, since it involves two fanatic beauty contest fans, one clumsy employee and one not-so-professional waiter of the café. Most of the dialogues such as "Major major" was a reference to the Tagalog film "Ang Tanging Ina Mo". The dialogue itself was a parody on a Filipino beauty pageant, Janina San Miguel for her thick accent and unfocused response during the 2008 Binibining Pilipinas.

Despite another group wins the reward, satisfaction to learn is more valuable than that.

P/S: Despite Janina San Miguel's failed attempt to compose the answer, she did win the 2008 Binibining Pilipinas.